Tuesday, January 03, 2006
The Zambezi River God
We pulled out just before rapid #11. There we had a refreshing lunch, surprising for being on a rocky bank with tall sheer cliffs rising up in either side. Jeremy was there, he was going to join our raft, and I was still getting in a kayak at #19 as far as I knew. Then Pastor Grabiner called at me from the other end of the group. It was a fateful question if I've ever heard one. "So... do you want to get in now, because I would like to go with Jeremy? But only if you feel comfortable." There is no way that I felt comfortable, but he had successfully tweaked me. Derek had done well enough, but he had gone a couple of times before, and I had totally bombed the practice day. At about that point in time my stomach started to fold into itself. There really wasn't much I could do, much choice, so I went for it. Let me tell you that I sure sent up a couple of prayers. Luckily we portaged around #11, so I had more time to consider the folly of my ways. Within minutes I was swept into the current and heading for 12a, the first of "The Three Ugly Sisters", a set of three class four rapids, followed by a class five, "The Mother". All I remember is that I pulled after the first one. Discouraged. I survived the second one, flipped of course, but then I rolled up. It's an incredible experience being upside down, looking up for the sunshine, reaching with your paddle blade as high as possible, and just waiting for the white to wash away, and your boat to steady for just an instant. Everything seems still, or quiet at least, even though you know youre being thrashed and pummeled. Some how under the water there had been a strange desensitizing peace, but when the wicked froth clears enough to see some kind of light just pull, and you roll back up into an unexpected chaos. I think I was backwards when I found air again, kind of an awkward situation. All the memories just kind of flow together. I think I made it through the last of the ugly sisters with out flipping, hurray, only to be met by
The Mother. I just remember being flung into a massive hole followed by a monstrous wave. The wave just fell on top of me, ate me up, and digested me for quite some time. I waited, just waited for as long as I could. The water wouldnt calm down and I had no idea where I was. Being thrown and rolled inside the wave was a real option. So I washed out popped up, almost completely out of the raucous. I was mad at myself. If only I waited a couple more seconds I wouldnt have been an inconvenience again. Everyone has to stop and help you up onto the raft, drain your kayak, stick you back in, and send you off. After THE MOTHER ate me and spat me out, I realized I was exhausted, rattled, and sick to my stomach. One of those situations where you start to feel a burning just below your ribs, and saliva runs in your mouth, and you cant imagine anything tasting good ever again. I began to think that I didnt want anything to do with rivers or kayaks, but I couldnt get out of it. Caleb was there to rally me. He had to or else I wouldnt make it through the next rapid, and not because I was going to get out, but because if I missed the line I was supposed to follow I could get sucked under for a bit and then slid long a rock wall for some time. I said I cant do this, Im not ready. You got this, he said with a lot of teeth, and then he turned serious because he knew that I knew it wasnt about fun anymore. I kept fighting, but the river didnt stop running. In went, and I made it. The next few rapids were impressionless. I think I pulled once more, and survived the rest. Then came #18 aka Oblivion. This is the biggest surfing wave on the whole stretch. Two giant class 4 holes/waves, and then the humdinger, Oblivion. My confidence had been rising slowly, so I was ready to just get hit hard and wait it out, but I really had no concept of the actual size of the thing. I went in just behind the guide. I remember dropping in and then flying over the crest of the first wave, dipping down again and then all of a sudden I felt myself off balance. Just before I went under I saw over the horizon of the second wave. A cavern, maybe an abysmal yawning hole. It was black and angry. Then everything went blue, grey and white. I waited. The first moment I saw light, and felt purchase on my paddle, I pulled with all I had left. Everything looked completely black and white when my head came out of the water and I blinked the water away. All except for the orange blur of the underside of Dereks kayak as it swept into me. Then he rolled up and we got flushed out together. That was the point of redefinition. I had on my own right conquered Oblivion, possibly the biggest wave in the world. I suppose it would be more accurate to say that it didnt conquer me. Either way, I knew I could survive just about anything, and maybe even with a smile on my face. The rest of the rapids seemed like peanuts. They were like laughable ripples. I felt like a kayaker, the unsuspected and ignorant type, but a kayaker still. At the end of the day I felt like, as Caleb puts it, a freshly flushed toilet. I felt accomplished on the ride home. Satisfied.
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# posted by seamuskab @ 4:37 AM 
